Today's painting is Early Spring, the full version of our Home screen background. Now you can see the full complement of farmyard animals - sheep, cats, rabbits, a horse, and of course the rampaging geese. Blog #8 will feature Late Spring, where you will see the results of all this rampaging.
Instead of a short story I am presenting a one-act play in rhyming couplets, based on the game of chess. Our Westlakes U3A chess group performed it at a concert a few years ago, and we had the whole audience in stitches, Please feel free to use the play for your own group's concert; I only ask that I be acknowledged as the author.
The poem is the second version of Walk with Dog. Enjoy!
BAD MOVES
A play in rhyming couplets by Julie Lau
Characters:
(All to wear appropriate headpieces, cut from thin card and stapled.)
White King – long white robe, white beard
White Queen
White Bishop – white robes, hung about with chains: velvet stole: could carry a large book.
White Knight – “mounted” on horse, e.g. swimming pool toy or hobby horse, or cardboard cut-out, fixed to waist. Colander on head.
White Rook – long white costume, with black bird affixed.
Pawns – shabbily dressed, bare feet or flip-flops, armed with crooked sticks or useless household appliances, e.g. egg slice, grater.
Black Queen – to be played by a large male, preferably bearded, dark and hairy: black singlet, flip-flops, skirt, holding a beer in a stubby holder. Can also initially play a pawn.
Opening Scene:
All characters on stage except Black Queen, arranged like the pieces on a chess board, pawns in front.
Pawns advance, brandishing weapons and crying out. They encounter the (invisible) enemy and after a brief skirmish, stagger off defeated.
For a short while the other figures move about haphazardly in turn, each in its designated way.
Finally the king, moving ponderously forward in single steps, putting feet together after each step, takes front stage:
King: (speaks with lisp)
I am The King – I’m royalty!
To win the game I must stay free:
I’m slow, inbred, but upper crust,
And I’ll sacrifice you if I must!
Stately backwards retreat to rear, single steps as before.
Bishop slides forward on a diagonal.
Bishop: (in plain-chant):
A bishop is a stately piece, secretive and formal:
He may like men, or little boys, but he’s hardly ever normal.
He’s sneaky and manipulative – he sucks up to the crown,
He’ll sidle up the angle, and with pleasure knock you down!
He slides back and the knight jumps frantically forward in a 2-forward, 1-sideways canter.
Knight: (voice like an upper-class English twit)
A mighty battle has been lost and all our men are gorn!
The queen sidles up and puts her arm over his shoulders.
Queen:
Don’t fret, my dear, there’s nothing more expendable than a pawn!
Knight retreats (same 2-1 steps but now subdued).
Queen addresses the audience.
Queen:
Alas, the king, my husband, is slow and not too bright;
I have an urge to venture out and cuckold him with a knight!
(Moves forward, side, diagonally for several moves, then shrieks and staggers to one side of the stage, arm extended, as if being pulled there.)
Queen:
I flittered here, I fluttered there, I skipped both far and wide,
Till a dark knight hit upon me for a bit upon the side!
Knight jumps forward as before.
Knight:
I’m free, I’m white, I’m mounted – I dashed out feeling great!
I hopped and leapt across the board, a black queen for to mate:
I jumped on her and had my way, but just when the game seemed brighter,
A sly black bishop sidled in and smote me with his mitre! (hobbles offstage)
Rook marches forward, then side, then forward.
Rook: (cockney accent)
I was travellin’ as the crow flies, perched upon me tower,
(Yes, I ‘ave to drag it wif me, which makes me somewhat slower)
But as I flew along me line, me tower all a-dangle,
A cruel black bishop shot me down from an unexpected angle! (exits on a right angle)
Enter black queen, waving a piece of paper.
B. Queen: (very uncultured voice)
Orl right, it’s over, finished! Orf youz go!
King: Who is this crown-ed person with uncourtly manner low?
Bishop: (in plain-chant)
It’s just a jumped-up pawn, posing as a queen!
We’ll resume our consultation and pretend that we don’t see’im.
King: We’re busy, my good person, please retreat and wait.
B. Queen: Oh no I won’t, ‘cos you see this? It’s a cheque, mate!
(brandishes a large rectangular 'cheque')
Exit king and bishop, expostulating to each other, pursued by black queen.
~END~
More Walking With Dog
I walk with Dog
and Dog walks with me,
’tween the edge of the land
and the edge of the sea.
Up cliffside’s sheer path
with its treacherous scree,
I’ll pause, catch my breath,
while he catches a flea.
On dusty bush trails
my doggy runs free;
and I feel ever closer,
oh Dog, to thee.
I sip from my flask,
He christens a tree;
no better companion
than Dog is to me.
~END~
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