MEET THE ARCHER, just one of hundreds of life-sized clay figures reconstructed from fragments since the discovery of the Chinese Emperor Qin’s tomb from over 2,200 years ago. In a later blog I’ll be telling you more of this extraordinary find.
Originally the archer held a crossbow, the metal parts found lying at his feet, the wooden component long since having rotted away.
I had just a few hours to produce this piece during a workshop introducing a new and expensive rusting solution. An ancient statue seemed the ideal subject. I covered a 75 x 50 cm board with black matt acrylic paint, sketched a quick outline with white chalk, and speedily completed The Archer with the side of a credit card and the sawn-off end of a paint brush, eyeballing off a postcard. Note that I have deliberately turned one eye a little to avoid the dreaded facial symmetry, and bring his focal point closer.
TODAY WE COMPLETE the short story Bright Lights, followed by a dirty little ditty about a cat and a rat. After all, this is Blog #16 and I’m starting to let my head go a bit.
BRIGHT LIGHTS - conclusion
EACH ANIMAL, washed and dried, was taken in turn to an expert who worked in the role of a kind of bovine beautician, clipping and brushing, trimming and spraying. Tail tufts were teased into huge hairy spheres, and polls combed and glued into absurd pointed crests.
A number of new helpers appeared, pressed into service to help lead the cattle during judging. Mrs Gayle, in immaculate starched white dustcoat, moleskins, striped shirt and tie, topped and toed with new beige Akubra and shiny R.M. Williams boots, paraded the best of her animals in each class.
Janet, in borrowed finery, had what should have been her moment of glory when she led the calf behind Mrs Gayle’s best cow. Unfortunately, while Janet was momentarily distracted by some catcalling boys on the overhead gondola, the calf ran into the back of the cow, who lifted her tail and shat all over the face of her startled offspring.
The audience, other handlers, and even the judges were hysterical watching Janet casting about in frantic little circles trying to find something, anything, to wipe the calf’s face. She grabbed at pieces of grass, lifted a corner of her coat and dropped it as she imagined its owner’s reaction, then finally produced a minute tissue, which resulted in a disgusting mess all over her hand. The crowd roared as she stared at it.
“Wipe it on the grass!” snarled Mrs Gayle out of the corner of her mouth as Janet, crimson with mortification, wanted only to sink into the ground and disappear.
Mrs Gayle was somewhat mollified by receiving the blue ribbon, but the occasion lacked gravity, the judges twice breaking into snorts of laughter during the summing-up.
THE WORK DID NOT END with the judging, but did slow down somewhat. The heifers and three of the bulls were sold at auction in the sale ring. Finally the remaining cattle were loaded into the truck and Janet, her bag full of showground novelties, was ready to depart. During her entire stay she had not once left the showgrounds.
“Well. Janet,” said Mrs Gayle at her side, “I was very pleased with your work. I can’t pay you very much, I’m afraid,” (here an envelope was proffered) “but of course you’ll have benefitted wonderfully from the experience.”
“Thank you very much, Mrs Gayle,” replied the weary girl.
AS SOON AS THE ROAR of the Range Rover could be heard, the entire Healey family rushed to open the gate. A chick had returned to its nest.
“How was Sydney? What was it like?” demanded Rebecca, jumping up and down in excitement.
“The main difference that I could see,” her laughing sister replied, “is that they pack their cattle a lot closer together!”
~END~
Blush
had a crush on a cute white cat
with one blue eye and one of green,
the most intriguing sight he’d seen –
a kitty with eyes like that.
knew a conventional approach would never do:
his small and scrawny body could easily be beaten
by clawed paws, and teeth, and finally eaten,
before he’d even had a chance to woo.
he found a small box, conveniently nearby:
in the side near her ear he chewed a hole,
and when next she was near he poured out his soul
in poems and love songs, such as Cohen’s My Oh My.
Ebenezer crept out to caress her soft white fur.
Skilfully he stroked her to a state of near-elation,
then quickly performed a wicked act of penetration!
Some kitties passing by could scarce believe that it was her.
has become a scarlet women with an ever-lasting blush.
~END~
have a good day!
